The Great Monkey Cause

2004-04-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

News about Weapons of the World at StrategyPage.com's How to Make War.

2004-04-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

military news about Iraq: "Let's Hear it for Tyranny

April 12, 2004: Many Iraqis are angry that American troops are fighting back at Sunni and Shia gangs that have been killing and terrorizing Iraqis and foreigners. The Iraqis demand that some other, less violent, way be found to deal with the Iraqi thugs. In the past, the only Iraqi solution to dealing with these thugs was to submit to them, an approach which led to tyrants like Saddam Hussein. Bad habits are hard to break. Many Europeans are angry as well. But these are the people who have brought us Adolph Hitler, Joe Stalin, Francisco Franco, Benito Mussolini (and many others), in the last few generations. So they know a lot about how to nurture tyranny, and want America to learn from the European experience. In fact many Arab nations are criticizing the treatment of Iraqi terrorists and murderers. None of the Arab nations has a functioning democracy, all are ruled by men who exercise power through force. So opposing the treatment of the murderers in Fallujah, and Sadrs thugs in the south, can be seen as professional courtesy between Arabs. The mass media, by and large, reports all this with a straight face.

The ceasefire in Fallujah, to facilitate negotiations between tribal elders and gunmen, is holding. Arab doctors say that over 600 Iraqis have died in Fallujah, and that most of them have been women and children. The doctors are almost certainly lying, as Arab, and especially Iraqi, officials have consistently lied in situations like this. The marines are operating under rules of engagement that avoided civilian casualties, although some did occur. The Iraqi gunmen would try to protect themselves by firing from among unarmed civilians. This did not always work. Most of the dead in Fallujah are armed men caught shooting at marines or Iraqis.

"

2004-04-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

Toronto Sun: NEWS - Poll punches NHL fighters

2004-04-05T04:10:00.000-07:00

StrategyPage.com.

April 5, 2004: Canada may be having trouble funding overseas deployments, but that is not preventing the military from conducting a three-week exercise in the Arctic this summer. The exercise, code-named Narwhal, involves at least 200 troops, the Halifax-class frigate HMCS Montreal, and a squadron of CH-146 Griffon helicopters around Baffin Island. This is the largest exercise Canada has ever run in the Arctic.

Despite official claims to the contrary, the reason Canada is scraping together the funds to conduct Narwhal is a territorial dispute with Denmark. The island in question is Hans Island, an uninhabited three-kilometer long piece of rock in the middle of the Kennedy Channel, the northern portion of the Nares Strait, a body of water separating Greenland and Ellesmere Island. To be precise, around the 80th parallel.

Prior to this year, the dispute over the island had not been contested. However, Denmark’s position is that if Canada is going to claim the island, Canada had better be able to get to the island. If Canada can’t get to the island, it really isn’t Canadian. In the summer of 2002, a Danish warship (reportedly the Vaedderen, a Thetis-class patrol frigate designed for Arctic operations) sailed in the area, and a group of soldiers are alleged to have disembarked and hoisted the Danish flag on the disputed island, prompting a diplomatic protest that turned this dormant dispute active.

Canada’s military has been unable to seriously contest the issue in the past, since its major naval combatants are not ice-strengthened, only its Coast Guard has icebreakers, and they are rarely at sea due to financial constraints. However, despite the restrictions, Canada’s military is slated to increase operations in the Arctic, beginning this spring, with enhanced sovereignty patrols from Resolute to Alert by Canadian Rangers (a group more akin to the National Guard and largely consisting of Inuit). This summer, the tempo will increase with Narwhal, a war game, will kick off a five-year plan to expand Canada’s presence in the Arctic. The includes additional sovereignty patrols (the first of which departs on April 1), tests to see how well unmanned aerial vehicles handle Arctic conditions, and Project Polar Epsilon, a satellite surveillance system that will cover northern Canada. Canada is even considering the construction of radar stations to detect and track unauthorized use of the Northwest Passage.

The Canadian response is intended to prevent a situation similar to that which led to the Falklands War. The British left the impression that the Falklands did not matter that much through defense cuts and their public posture. This led to the Argentinean invasion in 1982, and the weeks-long war. The British now maintain a very strong presence in the Falklands as a result. This exercise is intended to show that the financial problems the Canadian military has suffered recently will not prevent Canada from defending its territory. This dispute will not likely result in war, but it will be interesting to see how Denmark responds. – Harold C. Hutchison (hchutch@ix.netcom.com)

2004-04-03T09:52:00.000-08:00

test

2004-04-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

Second Test to see what's going on.

BTW, stop by strategypage.com for a view of the lastest military news

Email me!

2002-05-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

Test

Test

fghjkl;'

2002-05-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

2002-03-30T21:40:00.000-08:00

Strangely enough, that description matches you pretty well. Well, personally I've never actually seen anyone hanging off you with stretched or dislocated limbs, succumbing to starvation or the elements. So maybe the description isn't perfect. Which is probably a good thing.

In other, unrelated news, I spent many more hours than I should checking out SG1 costume resources on the web this evening, and came up with zip, zilch, nada. I have no idea how our Fearless Leader was able to find all the information he claims to have. He probably has a lot more patience than I do. In any case, I still don't feel entirely comfortable with the idea of dressing up in a costume of a show I've never actually watched....Hey, do they have a Xeno-Veterinarian Unit? That'd be cool...

Couldn't we just get robes and go as Supreme Inner Circle Primates of the Great Monkey Cause? That's more true to our natures, anyway.

MACHing Monkey

2002-03-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

People were hung in various positions from you, sometimes with weights, stretching and dislocating limbs. Sometimes they were left to starve or succumb to the elements. All in all, you're a pretty forgiving person, provided they don't -really- get you angry.

What torture would you be?

BCM

2002-03-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Which Firearm are you?
brought to you byStan Ryker

BCM

2002-02-27T05:35:00.000-08:00

Strength 33 for a Round

I've just realized the incredible possibilities of adding a level of barbarian to my Cleric in Greg's campaign. Str 21 + 1D4+1 points (bull's strength), +3 (str bonus from cleric strength domain, 1 round only), +4 st (rage)= 33 strength maximum, 29 strength minimum.

I estimate this would give me +11 to hit just from strength, and +16 two handed damage.

So, with the frost flail, I'd be doing 1d10(flail)+1D6(frost)+16(str)+1(magic), generating 19-33 points of damage, 26 points on average. Did I mention that the flail has a 19-20 x2 critical range? A crit would make 38-66 points of damage with 52 being average, enough to get an instant kill (50 points)

Swwweeeeetttt POWER!!!!!!

BCM

2002-02-22T08:55:00.000-08:00

Fear the Bunny

No sugar rush with this Easter Bunny. One of the funniest stories ever.

BCM

2002-02-22T06:45:00.000-08:00

Resource monkey has bought the Vampire Counts book.

Now I can start collecting an army in earnest.

RM

2002-02-22T05:46:00.000-08:00

Oh...no...

With Easter approaching, I fear gaming will become nothing but a day long sugar rush.

Musn't...eat...more...chocolate...bunnies....mmmmmmmmmm.....good.....

RM

2002-02-21T09:24:00.000-08:00

Could George lucas ever dream up a more bizzare sport for Star Wars than curling?

BCM

2002-02-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

TORG!!!!!!!

Check this out. The Europeans think it's insulting. I like it.

IM

2002-02-18T16:54:00.000-08:00

Consider me there for Tororto Trek this year. Full thing. Hopefully this year I'll turn left instead of right when i go chick hunting.

BCM

2002-02-18T05:43:00.000-08:00

Enemy at the gates sucked. A truly dissapointing movie. James Horner turned in some very poor work on that movie.

Too bad there won't be a Gladiator sequel..... Oh well.

BCM

2002-02-18T05:41:00.000-08:00

Movies

Well, I finally got to see a few movies this weekend. "Gladiator" and "Enemy at the Gate". "Enemy at the Gate" was good, but "Gladiator" was awesome. Now if I can only sit and watch the whole movie without interruptions from children, it would have been that much better.

2002-02-15T05:39:00.000-08:00

Personally, I like the fireball that BCM is considering, but the lower acid orb is pretty useful, if not more strategic than the fireball. Besides, you can take fireball, next time you level up.

RM

2002-02-14T14:02:00.000-08:00

Yippy Skippy, The Evil!

The evil spreads...... Resource monkey has started a Blog!

BCM/IM

2002-02-14T10:46:00.000-08:00

Ain't it the truth....

2002-02-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

This feels Bizarre

Part of my hearing in my right (deaf) ear has cut in. This happens very occasionally, and it's happened three days in a row now. It never lasts long, unfortunately. Say, ten- twenty minutes. I can just sit here with the headset on the left ear, and enjoy what others take for granted. It's incredible how different voices seem to me when I hear like this. I tend to catch the higher sound range, not the lower pitched noises, so voicies sound very hissing like. The tapping of the keys as I write sounds different as well. Entirely different resonance.

Goddammit! I want my cybernetic eardrum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BCM

2002-02-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

The Great Debate

Fire or Acid? Fire or Acid?

This is the question. For my next first level spell. Lesser Fire orb, or lesser acid orb.

Ah hell, fire it is. There's just something about sweet cleansing fire.... Especially when it is more precise than a 20 foot radius fireball.

Hey Space Monkey, can we go clean up my character's villiage of origin next? There's a small totalitarian government with a dungeon under the town square than needs cleaning.....

BCM/IM

2002-02-13T06:24:00.000-08:00

Monkey Brother of the Day

Although the capton does not say so, he is clearly about to unleash the armed wrath of the GMC on Gibraltar. Why else would he be sitting on the cannon like that?

Tremble Gibraltar! Tremble before the Monkey Rage!

BCM

2002-02-12T13:45:00.000-08:00

You think he's got Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite hanging on his palace wall?

Check him out.

BCM

2002-02-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

The Academy gets it right?

Lord of the Rings gets 13 nominations for the Oscars.

Mmmm. Gladiator won last year. If Lord wins this year, "sword and" movies will have won two years in a row..... I like that idea.

BCM

2002-02-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

Whatta AWESOME Movie!!!!!!!

What an awesome movie! I went to see The Brotherhood of the Wolf" Friday and Saturday. It was so fantastic that I went to see it two nights in a row. One of the newspaper ad blurbs called it "a seventeenth century matrix" and I have to agree. It has that level of action and interest. There's intrigue, romance, horror and action all wrapped up into one great looking two and a half hour package. I am going to be raving about this movie for the next week or so. Better than a dozen Hollywood movies of the last year. Super!

Yes, there are many cliche action movie/hero bits, but they are so well done you don't care.

Did I mention that it's an awesome movie? It's a really, really really awesome movie!

2002-02-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

I've started posting links at the side. Soon Great Monkey Cause will be one-stop shopping for your links!

Information Monkey/Banana Counting Monkey

2002-02-11T11:26:00.000-08:00

Y'know, I honestly expected more of a fight over it than that. Geez, whatta letdown.

Having said that, I will be drafting up new "Respect Codes" to ensure that all Monkey Discourse is conducted appropriately.

InfoMonkey

2002-02-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

To all Monkey Members:
Since the BCM is the only one with enough time at work to run this site, I grant him the duel role of BCM and IM.

The Curious George,
Leader of the Monkey Circle

2002-02-08T11:39:00.000-08:00

"I will make it legal."
-Darth Monkey

2002-02-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

ahem.....
I refer the misguided MACHing Monkey to the constitution of the Monkey Circle. "Other Ministries as needed". We need an Information Minister and I have stepped up to the plate. Clearly legal.

As you have requested, I have added your Ministry to the Constitution. Your Quid Pro Quo will of course be delivered as agreed, I'm sure.

And thank you for acknowledging my dual role in your last post, not that it's needed. What you gonna do from Texas, MACHing?

IM/BCM

2002-02-07T19:37:00.000-08:00

BCM: Kindly Make Up Your Mind!

Even in a universe as generally full of Corruption, Misery, Want and Woe as we of the GMC find ourselves in, it is still Unlawful and Highly Irregular to be a Minister of Two Ministries at Once. Especially if you've claimed the second Ministry without (as mentioned) recourse to any other Members of the Great Monkey Circle.

If you Persist, IM/BCM, you are gonna find yourself in big, big trouble.

MACHing Monkey

2002-02-07T11:46:00.000-08:00

The IM has agents everywhere. Beware.

Yesterday Resource Monkey sent me an email.....

'I had a run-in yesterday with the after affects of too many sleeping pills and then later with a modeling knife while putting 40K mini's together that ended up with me getting 3 stittches.

To boot, Child #2 was a royal pain in the ass yesterday, and Wife#1 worked until 11pm.

Talk about not worth it to stay home!"

Poor Resource Monkey did not realize that none of this was random chance. The Information Monkey has his manevolent agents everywhere. This was just a sample of what can be expected for publically criticising the BCM.

IM

2002-02-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

And sign your dammed posts. I know you are ashamed of them, and you have cause to be, but no one can put the label to your foolishness unless you sign you name.

BCM

2002-02-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

RESPECT.......

..............is earned, so you get none.

You shouldn't be using words you have no use for. Respect is beyond your ability to receive, achieve or give.

BCM

2002-02-06T07:57:00.000-08:00

It's not etiquette

Its RESPECT, and we'll damn well beat it out of you if need be.

2002-02-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

Not to put too fine a point on it

But when the hell did we decide on "proper etiquette"?
WE ARE A BUNCH OF ASS SCRATCHING, NIT PICKING, DARWINEER BEATING MONKEYS.

No "etiquette monkey" has been appointed, and such will not be funded if it is, Dammit!

BCM

2002-02-06T06:59:00.000-08:00

DARWIN AWARDS: Chlorinating the Gene Pool – 5 February 2002

IN THIS ISSUE:
Darwin Award: STUDENT COMPACTOR
Darwin Award: RISKY REENACTMENT
Honorable Mention: CHARCOAL GRILLED
Personal Account: REGULAR & EXTRA CRISPY

--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+

Darwin Award: STUDENT COMPACTOR

October 2001, Tennessee | Eight freshman college students were hanging
around a vacant library late one night, when they decided it would be
a thrill to leap into a small opening they thought was a laundry chute.

Perhaps a few more years of college would have helped them realize that
libraries don’t often have laundry chutes. It was actually a garbage
chute feeding directly into an automatic trash compactor. 19-year-old
Wesley was the first to jump, and he enjoyed an exhilarating three-story
slide before being crushed to death in the rubbish bin below.

The other students decided not to follow.

Darwin Award: RISKY REENACTMENT

October 1993, Illinois | A police officer was trying to show another
patrolman how their fellow officer accidentally killed himself, by
reenacting the shooting incident a week later. But the 20-year veteran
forgot to unload his .357 Magnum and wound up shooting himself in the
stomach. He died in a car crash while driving himself to the hospital.

Honorable Mention: CHARCOAL GRILLED

October 2001, Florida | A dozen Burger King marketing department
employees found out first-hand why meat cooks... when they burned
their feet on hot coals during a fire-walking ritual. It’s the heat!

One woman was hospitalized and the others were treated by a doctor
summoned to the scene. The company-sponsored event was intended to
promote teamwork. Next time you complain about your company’s inane
team-building exercises, remember this story and count yourself lucky.

Personal Account: REGULAR & EXTRA CRISPY

"I own a family entertainment center with arcade and video games.
We occasionally replace out-of-date games, and dismantle the old
ones into pieces small enough to toss in the dumpster out back.

"One day I gave our two intrepid game room employees, nicknamed
Podunk and Donut after their radio call signs, the task of destroying
two outmoded games. The first game was sent to Atari heaven with
no fuss, thanks to a 5-pound sledgehammer. The second game was more
obstinate. The boys broke the handle of the sledgehammer against it.

"So Podunk and Donut decided to heave heavy cinderblocks at it.
But that only succeeded if you consider broken cinderblocks a success.
They tried ramming the game with a car, which did little but damage
the vehicle’s front end. Brute force was getting them nowhere fast.

"In the interest of safety, speed, efficiency, and a minimum of
wear and tear on their tools, they decided to burn the game down.

"Podunk filled the interior of the game with fumes from an aerosol can,
while Donut manned the cigarette lighter. You can guess the rest.
Both employee’s sustained second degree burns to their arms and faces,
and the game cabinet is still alive and well.

"Now the boys have new names: Regular and Extra Crispy."

2002-02-06T06:56:00.000-08:00

To: the Curious George
From: the Resource Monkey
Cc: the GMC

Subject

Recent usurpations of power by the BCM (as well as lack of proper Monkey Circle courtesy by BCM)

It has come to my attention that the Honourable BCM has as of this moment appointed himself 'Information Monkey' as well as his current title of BCM. This was done without any prior notice or request to yourself or any regard for Due Procedure. Worse, he has summarily proclaimed that all our budgets will be cut to allow him to continue in this position.

Furthermore, the BCM has negated to take the initiative to ensure the full representation of the Monkey Council has been listed (in his self-decribed duties as Information Monkey).

I hope you will give the upstart Monkey the Great Curious George BitchSlap that he so richly deserves for his pretensions, overall rudeness and misappropriation of titles. And keep doing so until he sees the Darwinian errors of his ways and repents by fixing his mistakes.

Many thanks to MACHing monkey for providing the basis of this post.

Resource Monkey
Long Live the Monkey!

2002-02-06T05:39:00.000-08:00

My Dear MACHing monkey, the ommission of your role that you mention is in the document as originally passed down from the hand of The Curious George. Please take up the matter with him. Will you be asking the Cuious George to give himself a Monkey Bitchslap?

2002-02-05T20:45:00.001-08:00

Sure the Yahoo group may have done the same thing, but this is more fun.

2002-02-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

MEMO

To: the Curious George
From: the MACHing Monkey
Cc: the Banana Counting Monkey

Subject

Recent usurpations of power by the BCM (as well as lack of proper Monkey Circle courtesy by BCM)

It has come to my attention that the Honourable BCM has as of this moment appointed himself 'Information Monkey' as well as his current title of BCM. This was done without any prior notice or request to yourself or any regard for Due Procedure. Worse, he has summarily proclaimed that all our budgets will be cut to allow him to continue in this position.

Furthermore, the BCM has also (you will note) listed the Hierarchy of the MC without mentioning my position of MACHing Monkey.

I hope you will give the upstart Monkey the Great Curious George BitchSlap that he so richly deserves for his pretensions, overall rudeness and misappropriation of titles.

Many thanks,

MACHing Monkey
Long Live the Monkey

2002-02-05T20:41:00.000-08:00

Uhm. Not to put a pin in this balloon, but wasn't this the point of the yahoo group I set up last year but nobody used? Hmmm....

Learned Monkey

2002-02-05T18:03:00.000-08:00

Monkey Oath
I, Rowan Wilson, renew my loyalty and devotion to the "Great Monkey
Cause".
I will seek out ignorance and stupidity, and then savagely smack it down
with the "Good Books".
I will expand my knowledge and intelligence, so that the "Darwin Donors"
cannot trick me or seduce me into following their blasphemous ways.
I will gladly serve in the forces of the "Monkey Warriors" during times of
the "Monkey Rage", to push back the darkness of ignorance and to stamp out
the oppression of the unwise.
I will devote my life to ensure the "Great Monkey Cause" is fulfilled and
that Earth is known among the stars.
This I pledge without coercion, force, or intimidation.
Long Live the Monkey.

Rowan Wilson
The Space Monkey
=/\=

2002-02-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

I suggest you do so, as to inaugurate your new Information Monkey position it would require giving the oath once again. Oh yeah, and lots of BEvERages...

2002-02-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

And you thought the Rabid Monkey was the only one who ran a tough campaign...

2002-02-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

I, Banana Counting Monkey and Information Monkey, have already recited the Monkey pledge in our previous email format. Doing so again would be redundant and possibly over budget.

2002-02-05T05:25:00.000-08:00

AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT BLAMING THE JEWS...YET As expected, Robert Mugabe pushed his appalling "media bill" through the Zimbabwe Parliament yesterday. Meanwhile, according to the Daily Telegraph, Zimbabwe "information minister" Jonathan Moyo (here's a tip: if your country has an information minister", you know you're fucked) outlined a new conspiracy theory about who runs the world media..."

From Daimnation!

Without Further Ado, the Banana Counting Monkey is assuming the additional title of "Information Monkey".

The addition of this ministry to the GMC will allow the Monkey Circle to clarify the distortions put forwad in the media about our noble (and often misunderstood cause). Additional measures may be required to preserve the distinctiveness of Monkey Culture.

BCM regrets to inform the Circle that due to budget constraints, the IM budget will be funded with cuts from the other various ministries of the Monkey Cause. Your sacrifices are appreciated in the service of the Monkey!

2002-02-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

Night o' the Knives

From the description of the previous part of this adventure, this is the closest I ever recall having the party completely wiped out. Damn those Cultists'. And damn those Magic users too.

2002-02-04T11:53:00.000-08:00

Damn phone call-in centres!!!

Thump...

thump...

thump...

...is the sound of Resource Monkey beating his head against the desk.

Some people are incredibly stupid, ignorant or just plain annoying. I've had the same guy calling me 4 times a day for the past 4 days about the same GOD DAMN THING!!! For christ sake, will you not listen to my answer. Don't GAWD DAMN well call me if you don't want my help. And DON'T call me back if I tell you I can't help you. If I could do something more to help, I would. How may times do you need to hear the same information?

I've told you there is going to be a sales man call you today (before 5pm) and he will personally visit you tomorrow for sure. Since then you've called me back TWICE, and it hasn't even been 2 hours yet!

There is NO MORE INFORMATION to give you. I have exhausted all my sources, and told you this. Now kindly F*** OFF and quit bothering me!!

OK, that feels much better now.

2002-02-04T10:48:00.000-08:00

Night o' the Knives, parte the third

Is to be held at the Space Monkey's remote Fortress of Solitude in Everet this Sunday. Be there or else. We missed losing the entire party by about five of the Kong's hitpoints yesterday. I don't think that everyone really wants to roll up new 1st level characters.

On the other hand.......

Oh yeah: memo to MACHing Monkey: Can we use your Gnome as a meatshield or as a missile? Which would you prefer?

2002-02-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

I, Kevin McDonald, pledge my loyalty and devotion to the "Great Monkey Cause".

I will seek out ignorance and stupidity, and then savagely smack it down with the "Good Books".

I will expand my knowledge and intelligence, so that the "Darwin Donors" cannot trick me or seduce me into following their blasphemous ways.

I will gladly serve in the forces of the "Monkey Warriors" during times of the "Monkey Rage", to push back the darkness of ignorance and to stamp out the oppression of the unwise.

I will devote my life to ensure the "Great Monkey Cause" is fulfilled and that Earth is known among the stars.

This I pledge without coercion, force, or intimidation.

Long Live the Monkey.

2002-02-04T10:13:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Banana Republic! Our online presence grows every day! It started with the Superlative Banana Counting Monkey's Blog, and has evolved into this forum for our plans of domination.

Posting authority has been granted to the MACHing Monkey and the Resource monkey so far. more to come.

2002-02-04T10:12:00.000-08:00

I, Leah Silverman, do hereby reaffirm the pledge of my loyalty and devotion to the "Great Monkey Cause."

I will seek out ignorance and stupidity, and then savagely smack it down with the "Good Books".

I will expand my knowledge and intelligence, so that the "Darwin Donors" cannot trick me or seduce me into following their blasphemous ways.

I will gladly serve in the forces of the "Monkey Warriors" during times of the "Monkey Rage", to push back the darnkess of ignorance and to stamp out the oppression of the unwise. (Or just go for a beer.)

I will devote my life to ensure the "Great Monkey Cause" is fulfilled and that Earth is known among the stars.

This I re-pledge without coercion, force or intimiadation.

Lone Life the Monkey!

Leah
Maching Monkey (who, I note, has been sadly excluded from the Hierarchy of the Banana Republic Party.)

2002-02-04T09:40:00.000-08:00

The Monkey Oath

I, (insert name here), pledge my loyalty and devotion to the "Great Monkey Cause".

I will seek out ignorance and stupidity, and then savagely smack it down with the "Good Books".

I will expand my knowledge and intelligence, so that the "Darwin Donors" cannot trick me or seduce me into following their blasphemous ways.

I will gladly serve in the forces of the "Monkey Warriors" during times of the "Monkey Rage", to push back the darkness of ignorance and to stamp out the oppression of the unwise.

I will devote my life to ensure the "Great Monkey Cause" is fulfilled and that Earth is known among the stars.

This I pledge without coercion, force, or intimidation.

Long Live the Monkey.

2002-02-04T09:38:00.000-08:00

Hierarchy of the "Banana Republic" party.

Leader - "Curious George"
Minister of Information- "Information Monkey"
Minister of Defence - "The Kong"
Minister of Finance - "Banana Counting Monkey" or "BCM" for short
Minister of Education - "The Learned Monkey"
Minister of Earth - "Home Monkey"
Minister of Galactic Exploration - "Space Monkey"
Minister of Arts, Culture And Humanities- "MACHing Monkey"
(Other Ministries as Needed)

2002-02-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

The Banana Republic

The Political Party of the "Monkey Circle" will be called "The Banana Republic" with "Curious George" as the leader of the both the Political and Religious sectors. "The Banana Republic's" main goal is to gain power in the Canadian Parliament and then undo all the damage that previous political parties
have brought to Canada. Then the party will spread the great word of the Monkey, by increasing the IQ levels of all Canadians, until Canada has the highest per capita IQ in the world. Canada will become so famous for its intelligent people, that other countries in the world will recognize their failings and become supporters of the "Great Monkey Cause" and will give Canada full control over the world, uniting Earth under one government.

Once this has been achieved (somewhere in the order of 5 to 10 years), "The Banana Republic" will seek to colonize and explore the Galaxy, known as the "Great Monkey Cause". With renewed focus into the Sciences, plus the Arts (because every great civilization knows how to paint, play music, and write), Earth will become the Crown Jewel of the Milky Way.

2002-02-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

The Monkey Circle

The religion will be based on a social order known as the "Monkey Circle", with the leader Monkey being called "The Curious George". The religious initiates, known as "Primates", must spend 2 years, before coming full members of the "Monkey Circle", seeking out stupid people (known as "Darwin Donors" or "Anti-Darwinians").

Once a "Darwin Donor" has been spotted, the "Primate" must give the "Darwin Donor" a "Monkey Bitchslap" and then hit the "Darwin Donor" over the head with an Encyclopaedia.. in the hope that the "Good Books" will infuse the knowledge into the stupid people's head. (This is a total rip-off of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, but fuck them... I will send my Monkey Warriors out to kick the crap out of the White Shirted, Black Tied, Badge Wearing disbelievers.)

Once the "Primates" have proven their loyalty to the "Curious George", they will be initiated as full members of the "Monkey Circle" in an elaborate ceremony called the "Monkey Jamboree" which will be held every month. The "Monkey Jamboree" will consist of the drinking of Libations, the pledge of
the "Monkey Oath", and the kissing of the "Monkey Statue" on the "Alter of the Monkey" (a podium which has a 6 foot tall statue of an intelligent looking Monkey holding a sword in one hand and a Encyclopaedia Book in the other).

The "Monkey Circle" will have a security force known as the "Monkey Warriors" with the head "Monkey Warrior" being referred to as "The Kong". (So the term "Wrath of Kong" can be used in the middle of holy wars) The "Monkey Warriors" responsibilities include,
1) the protection of "Curious George",
2) the security of the "Primates" and of the "Monkey Circle" in general,
3) to watch the public for increased signs of "Darwin Donors".

If the threshold of "Darwin Donors" exceeds the acceptable limit, "The Kong" is allowed to call a holy war (known as "The Monkey Rage") in which all members of the "Monkey Circle" are put into their command to cleanse the population of "Darwin Donors".

2002-02-04T09:32:00.000-08:00

"I am going to start my own religion and political party based on this
whole monkey thing.

With a Liberal Majority in place, I should be able to secure funds easily."

-The Curious George, late 2000 A.D.